So I am two wrestling meets (three matches) into the season. Things aren't easy, but I never expected them to be. I like the challenge and I want to be able to get really good-- that's not going to happen if the boys baby me or go easy on me, so I am grateful for the people who push me. I haven't won any matches yet, but I am lasting a little longer after every match. At least I think I am, I don't really want to know for now (until I get better). I am even grateful to the guy who tackled me the second the whistle was blown without even circling or hand-fighting or anything. It sucked, and he was a jerk, but he prepared me in his own way. I guess forgiveness is one of those things that comes easier with age, because lately I haven't held on to any grudges. I am also grateful to my team- they support me and push me and care for me without babying me or making me feel lousy. I love it. They are all helping me to be better, and I can't wait to see how the season progresses.

I have finally established a Girl Code. It's funny, because I always assumed that the Bro Code was just one of those things that guys followed, but was never actually written down. But no, they have an actual book. Of course it is written by the guy from "How I Met Your Mother," but even then it is still a little shocking. So why can't girls have their own code? I mean there are plenty of things that girls do that are plain nasty. Or annoying. So I wrote down everything I believe girls should live by in order to get along with the fellow population. I will post it eventually, but I am afraid that because I wrote it in the heat of the moment it is a little sassy. But maybe that would make it more appealing. I don't really know. Well, at any rate you all will see it (and by you all, I mean my imaginary readers).

You always read in books about these wild romantic gestures that seemingly perfect guys display in order to win the girl. I will forever be a fan and firm believer in them, but it seems like real life guys aren't up to snuff. I suppose that's because I have never been in love, or I have never really attracted a boy at all, but hey- I don't think I am the only lovesick girl/woman who feels like chivalry is dead. I used to strongly believe that while there were still (probably) gentlemen out there, that there were no boys that still clung to these "old world" traditions known as opening a door for a lady or helping her over/around a puddle. While it may not seem like much, it is affectionate. This isn't to say that guys don't do plenty of things that are kind and considerate, but many of the older values are gone. Another thing that comes to mind when I think of the many men of novels, I think of them carrying the girl. Boys lifting up girls in order to move them when they are sick or hurt, in order to protect them, in order to hold them close. I never really realized just how wonderfully adorable that was until I was picked up by a guy and carted around like I weighed nothing. It wasn't a romantic gesture by any means, at least I don't think so, but I realized the thrill of it for the first time. It is feeling petite and weightless, feeling protected and loved, and even feeling exhilarated. It may not have been romantic (although that would have been nice too), but it was beyond thrilling to be in the arms of a muscular, extremely attractive, sensitive, gentlemanly, smart, guy. And no, I am not exaggerating, he is very near to perfection- he is skimming it with his very fingertips. I now understand all of the hype, and I just want to say to any guy readers- just try opening doors for ladies, be polite and say kind things, treat her like a woman, not a possession or a toy or just "another one of the guys."

Bio of a Self-Proclaimed Badass

Ever since I was small I knew what I wanted to be- a writer- but the reason this sprung up was because of my love of reading. I can remember clearly my childhood from when I was four until now. I remember my four-year old self infinitely jealous of all of the things my brother was allowed to do, and capable of doing, at the age of six. He was allowed to go to school and meet friends, and he was even being taught how to read. That is pretty much where things began for me. I desperately wanted to be older, as any young person does, but I couldn't even read my own books, my parents had to do it for me. This is when I taught myself how to read. I carried around books and tried to remember which words went with which sounds when my parents read to me. My brother learned by learning the alphabet. I remembered small words at first, but then I began putting words together on my own, and eventually my mom discovered that I could read a few of my favorite books on my own, and she no one had even begun to teach me. I was so proud, learning how to read before my brother could, and it lead to more and more books. But I wasn't quite satisfied. My brother was still able to go to school, and I was not, so my parents started buying me workbooks. They worked with me on things like math and reading, but I did a lot of solo work too. When I was five, I was finally allowed to go to school...early. i loved school so much, and reading was still a huge part of me. It wasn't until I was in about sixth grade that I started reading things about empowering women. A girl who disguised herself as a boy in order to become a knight, a woman assassin, girls who kicked but and took names. After that, that is all I wanted to be. I wanted to be tough and smart and all-around awesome, but my parents had a hard time believing that I could do anything super physical or demanding. I mean hey, all I did was read and I couldn't even run a mile. I was practically allergic to exercise. But I knew what I wanted to do, and every time I have ever put my mind to something, I have gotten it done. I started playing sports and my body thinned out. I maintained good grades while still maintaining my life, but I still wasn't doing what I wanted to do. But then anopportunity came around that I couldn't pass up. I heard about the Military Arnis program that was offered at the Military University where my dad works- but neither of my parents thought that I was capable of doing a martial art that was so physically demanding or tough. Especially not as an eighth grader-- and yet they offered it to my brother. Ever since I was small, my brother has always been offered the opportunities that I want, and so this was an especially tough blow, but then he didn't even take the coveted chance to do something amazing, and that just made me angrier. For the next year and a half I can't say that I thought about it constantly, but it was never far from my mind. That is when my brother finally decided to take them up on the offer, just after I had brought it up again. That stung. They let him begin attending, and I kept begging to be allowed to go. My parents and my brother both argued that it would be too tough or demanding, and that I wouldn't like it. But I knew that that was exactly what I had wanted since I was about ten years old, and I had just turned fifteen. Then one day, out of the blue my parents allowed me to go. I woke up at six that morning, in order to attend the ten o'clock session, that would last four hours. I was beyond thrilled, and that day did not disappoint. It was everything I wanted and more. I began going every weekend, learning boxing, cane fighting, kicks, ground work, and even how to use/defend knifes and guns. It was the only thing I thought about every day of every week, and I finally thought my parents would see that it was my calling, that I was meant to be a fighter- which in essence I always have been. I think they noticed, but they still haven't told me so. The day I went off to boarding school, it hit me- I wouldn't be able to regularly attend the Art in which I had become a brown belt in a matter of a few months (which normally takes a few years). I was devastated, and it is still hard to hear of my team mates progress when I am not there to attend. But I have now found another outlet- the boys wrestling team. It reminds me of Military Arnis in some respects, and it helps me channel my inner badassery. I come back with more sore muscles than I have ever had in my life, and I often have nasty bruises, but that is what I was made for. I was built to be tough. I was built to be all of the things I always wanted to be, and I am just now beginning to dive into everything. All I know is, I wouldn't trade my kick-butt skills for anything in the world. They make me who i am, and everything and everyone I ever wanted to be. I finally feel like all of the book and movie and story characters that have ever inspired me, and I love it. And I can't wait to continue to discover myself, no matter what opposition lies ahead.