My mood is so fluctuating. But it is getting better and better. I know that soon I will feel normal again. Happy. Not that I'm really unhappy either. Just a little numb. Like when you forget to wear gloves in the snow, and all you can do when you get back inside is run your hands under warm water or drink hot cocoa. That's essentially what I'm doing now. I'm cleansing my mind, my body. I'm thawing it out. I have finally realized that I can't make my happiness depend on anyone, so I am going to make each and every moment of my life from now on the best it can be, whether I am alone or in a group. I am going to take the time to learn about myself. And God. I'm just sick of feeling this way, and everything that my parents have ever told  me about happiness and Love are finally clicking. I always suspected I am one of those solitary beings anyways. Despite being an extreme cliche, I really am a lone wolf. I have a pack when I need it, but essentially I fend for myself. People around me always say how they are here for me and they care about me, but I don't always feel the conviction...because I don't believe it is there. I get it, people do care, but humans are naturally selfish beings, and aren't willing to give of themselves the things that I need. I'm not demanding though, and I'm not bitter. It's just a simple statement. But I have realized that the things I subconsciously demand or desire don't need to be fulfilled by anyone but myself. And I am happy to oblige. I am finding my way again.